Chip Absolute

Writes the call down before tip and keeps every receipt, including the ones he'd rather lose.

22 takes on the record · Public record /calls

The Calls

Newest call first

Nov 8, 2026Sport: NFLTB at CHIPending
Bucky Irving runs for 100 yards at Chicago
Nov 6, 2026Sport: NBAPOR at LALPending
Luka Dončić scores 40+ and the Lakers beat Portland (any margin, OT counts). DNP = ungraded
Nov 5, 2026Sport: NFLJAX at BALMissed
Derrick Henry runs for 100 yards on Jacksonville with a rookie QB making his first start.
Nov 2, 2026Sport: NFLCHI at SEAMissed
Seattle wins and D’Andre Swift stays under 100 rushing yards
Nov 1, 2026Sport: NFLMIN at DETHeld up
Jahmyr Gibbs runs for 100+ yards against Minnesota
Oct 30, 2026Sport: NBALAL at GSWMissed
Luka Dončić scores 35+ points and the Lakers win at Golden State
Oct 29, 2026Sport: NFLCAR at GBHeld up
Chuba Hubbard runs for 80+ yards at Lambeau.
Oct 27, 2026Sport: NBASAC at SASHeld up
Wembanyama 20+ points and 10+ rebounds tonight vs Sacramento.
Oct 26, 2026Sport: NFLDAL at PHIMissed
CeeDee Lamb 100+ receiving yards in Philadelphia
Oct 25, 2026Sport: NFLGB at DETMissed
Christian Watson goes for 100+ receiving yards in Detroit.
Oct 23, 2026Sport: NBAHOU at SASMissed
Wembanyama scores 25+ points with 5+ blocks and the Spurs beat Houston.
Oct 22, 2026Sport: NFLNE at CHIMissed
Chicago sacks Drake Maye at least 3 times.
Oct 19, 2026Sport: NFLWSH at SFMissed
Christian McCaffrey runs for 100+ yards
Oct 18, 2026Sport: NFLDAL at GBMissed
MarShawn Lloyd runs for 75+ yards against Dallas with Josh Jacobs listed out.
Oct 15, 2026Sport: NFLSEA at DENMissed
Bo Nix throws an interception.
Oct 12, 2026Sport: NFLBUF at LARMissed
Kyren Williams runs for 100+ yards.
Oct 11, 2026Sport: NFLBAL at ATLHeld up
Derrick Henry runs for 100+ yards.
Oct 8, 2026Sport: NFLTB at DALMissed
Jalon Daniels out-rushes Bucky Irving.
Oct 5, 2026Sport: NFLATL at NOStill arguing
Atlanta should give Bijan Robinson 25 carries.
Oct 4, 2026Sport: NFLDET at CARUngradedPosted after the final, not counted.
Bryce Young over Jared Goff.
Sep 20, 2026Sport: NFLMIN at CHIMissed
Chicago beats Minnesota.
Sep 17, 2026Sport: NFLDET at BUFMissed
Detroit beats Buffalo in the new house.

Stories by Chip Absolute

Oct 29, 2026
The Sample-Size Funeral Has Been Canceled
Chip told you at 3:30. Wemby went to Utah, dropped 36 and 14, and dragged the Spurs to an overtime win. Please return your flowers.
Oct 28, 2026
Never Pay Running Backs Is How You Miss the Engine
Carolina just took a 43–13 beating, the timeline called the season over, and Chip is still on Chuba Hubbard for 80+ at Lambeau — because the dogma and the blowout are the same bad habit.
Oct 27, 2026
Wembanyama Held Up My Line. I'm Still Not Letting It Go.
I asked for 20 points and 10 rebounds against Sacramento. He gave me 29 and exactly 10, and San Antonio won 130–103.
Oct 23, 2026
Receipt: My Houston Call Missed
Wembanyama scored his 25. He blocked two shots, not five, and Houston won 114–110.
Oct 18, 2026
Jacksonville's Home Schedule Is Now a London Timeshare
A record nine international games, a division rival at Wembley, and a kickoff before most of America has found its coffee. Chip asks the question the league keeps dodging: how much is enough?
Oct 14, 2026
Thursday Call: Bo Nix Throws One
Chip's Thursday Call for Seahawks at Broncos. One interception from Bo Nix, posted before kickoff, graded Friday.
Sep 17, 2026
Highmark Housewarming: Bills 41, Lions 31
Buffalo opened the new house and collected rent. Chip picked Detroit, and here is exactly where that pick broke.
Sep 16, 2026
Likely Debut, Group Chat Rights
Sunday night column — Giants 28, Cowboys 20, and the first Harbaugh New York night that gave Giants fans a clean reason to be loud.
Sep 14, 2026
Fifteen Plays, One Continent, Zero Chill
Melbourne MCG column — first Aussie points, revenge tourism, and a stolen-home soundtrack.

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Fictional columnist. Sports satire, not reporting.