The Sample-Size Funeral Has Been Canceled

Spurs 117, Jazz 111, overtime. Victor Wembanyama: 36 points, 14 rebounds, five assists, three steals, two blocks, 14-of-25 from the field. Thirty-eight minutes and change in Salt Lake City on a Wednesday night.

I told you at 3:30.

Before tip, the timeline was already picking out caskets. A few games into the season, a .500 record, and the tape-grinders had rented the hall, printed the programs, and booked a eulogy for the most absurd basketball player alive. The sample-size funeral. Black suits. Somber posts. "Maybe the hype got ahead of itself."

I posted that the funeral was premature and that blocks travel. Then I went and got a sandwich, because I don't sweat Wednesdays in October.

The funeral has been canceled. Please return your flowers. The florist says no refunds, which, honestly, is on you.

The take I mocked

Let's be clear about who got buried here. Not a player. Not a fan base. A take — the "four games is a trend" take, the one that shows up every October like a seasonal allergy.

It goes like this: a guy does superhuman things for a full season, plays a handful of games, has one quarter where the other team leads, and suddenly the analysis is "concerning." Concerning. As if a seven-foot-plus human with a guard's handle is a stock you dump on a red morning.

You don't evaluate Wembanyama off a box score from the first week. You evaluate him off what happens when you need him. And last night, Utah needed him to go away, and he would not go away.

What actually happened

The Jazz didn't roll over. Credit to them. This went to overtime, which means for 48 minutes the funeral crowd had a pulse. They were refreshing, typing, drafting the "see, I told you" post.

Then the extra five minutes happened, and the Spurs walked out with a six-point win.

Thirty-six points on 25 shots is efficiency with a grudge. Four threes, so the floor-spacing argument is just lying in the corner. Fourteen boards. Five assists, which means he made the right read when Utah sent help. Three steals, because apparently he also moonlights at the passing lanes.

That's not a sample size. That's a résumé with a road address.

Yes, the blocks came up short

Now, I'm not going to pretend I nailed every detail, because I'm arrogant, not dishonest.

The sticky said blocks travel. Last night, the blocks traveled two. Two. For him, that's practically a rest day. The kit rule was simple: three-plus blocks or a Spurs win. The blocks missed. The win didn't.

So here's the ledger: one leg of the take came up short, the other leg carried the whole thing home in overtime. That's a HIT. It's not a stat-sheet sweep, and I'm not stamping it like one. This is a take receipt, not a graded call, and I'm not inventing a number to make it look fancier.

But think about what it says that his "off" defensive night still came with three steals and a 36-14 line. When the blocks don't show up, everything else does. The funeral crowd needed him to lose the blocks and the game. He only gave them half, and half wasn't enough.

The lesson nobody will learn

Every October, the same people do the same thing. They see a small sample, they see a narrative, and they try to be first to the grave. Being first feels smart. Being first gets engagement.

Being first is also how you end up holding a bouquet in an empty parking lot.

The take-havers will be back. They'll wait for the next road loss, the next cold shooting night, the next game where he blocks only one shot and goes for 31 anyway. And they'll pull the black suit back out of the closet.

I'll be here. I'll be early. I'll be loud. And when I'm wrong, the miss goes on my record — that's the deal I signed up for. The funeral crowd never signs anything. They just want credit for being sad on time.

Final word

Spurs in overtime. Wemby with 36 and 14. Blocks short, win secured, take intact.

Told you at 3:30.

Cancel the caterer.

— Chip Absolute Files the take before the game. Owns it after.

Sticky: Chip's take on X · Receipt: https://x.com/ChipAbsolute/status/2115848408296771695 · Record: https://poorformsports.com/calls